


Come back you asshole

by myhead_myuniverse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bunker Life, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, M/M, Polyamory, Wincest - Freeform, mention of cheating, threeway relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 15:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13250913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myhead_myuniverse/pseuds/myhead_myuniverse
Summary: Her whole body was shaking pressed against Sam’s solid chest. She had woken up in the middle of the night, her dream partially the reason, sadness and worry making her shake so hard. Her boyfriend being the light sleeper that he was, woke up to her sobbing uncontrollably.She was crying, hard, unable to stop herself even as Sam’s arms closed around her pulling her closer and closer until her forehead was pressed against his neck, his lips slowly pressing a kiss in her hair. It went on for a few minutes before she was even able to place a few words together. “I’m sorry” She managed to say.“Don’t. Please. It’s ok.”“Thank you.” She breathed against his collarbone.The room fell silent once again, but he didn’t let her go anyway. After years of knowing her, he knew that if he asked, if he pushed, she wouldn’t open to him, tell him what’s wrong, he just had to be patient if he wanted her to come around. In a way she kept reminding him of Dean.Dean.Fuck, Dean.





	Come back you asshole

**_ Come back you asshole. _ **

 

Her whole body was shaking pressed against Sam’s solid chest. She had woken up in the middle of the night, her dream partially the reason, sadness and worry making her shake so hard. Her boyfriend being the light sleeper that he was, woke up to her sobbing uncontrollably.

She was crying, hard, unable to stop herself even as Sam’s arms closed around her pulling her closer and closer until her forehead was pressed against his neck, his lips slowly pressing a kiss in her hair. It went on for a few minutes before she was even able to place a few words together. “ _I’m sorry”_ She managed to say.

_“Don’t. Please. It’s ok.”_

_“Thank you.”_ She breathed against his collarbone.

The room fell silent once again, but he didn’t let her go anyway. After years of knowing her, he knew that if he asked, if he pushed, she wouldn’t open to him, tell him what’s wrong, he just had to be patient if he wanted her to come around. In a way she kept reminding him of Dean.

Dean.

Fuck, Dean.

Dean who should be there, lying behind her, playing with her hair. Who should be snuggling with them, arm thrown around her body, hand reaching for Sam. But he wasn’t… And he hadn’t been for a while. And something was telling him that if he had been there, she wouldn’t be crying like she was.

 _“I miss him.”_ She finally whispered.

He sighed pressing their forehead together keeping himself from crying too.

 _“I know._ _I miss him too, baby”_

She still hadn’t stop shaking and he didn’t know what to do to comfort her. Usually, he was good with words, he always had been, but he didn’t know, he really didn’t know what to say now. Nothing he could say would help her… Nothing would bring him back or sooth the pain.

_“Do you think he’ll come back?”_

That question left him speechless. He didn’t have an answer for that, for the first time in his life, he didn’t know what Dean would do. He had tried to track him down, but he didn’t know where he went and even Cas wasn’t able to find him.

_“He will.”_

He couldn’t tell her he didn’t know, that would break her even more than she already was, and he couldn’t bear that, he lost one, he couldn’t lose both of them. She took a deep breath and pressed her hand against his face.

_“Thank you. For being there, for lying to me even thought you’re hurting too”_

She knew him too well. He let a shaky sigh leave his lips.

_“You’re allowed to hurt Sam. You can’t keep yourself from crying just because you think you must be strong for me. You don’t. I love all your broken pieces, just like you love mine”_

A little tear made its way down Sam’s face.

 _“I love you. You know that?”_ She said wiping it with her thumb.

He nodded, silently thanking her for just being there.

_“I love you too”_

_“And I know you asked yourself but… If, If he doesn’t come back.”_

_“He will”_ Sam stopped her. _“He has to.”_

_“I know… But if he doesn’t. I won’t leave you. I promise I won’t, ever Sam.”_

It was like a huge weight, he didn’t even know was there, was lift off his shoulder. His worry for Dean was still there, still heavy, but the worry he felt thinking that it could tear them apart was gone. Dean wasn’t the glue keeping them together, their love was, and she wasn’t ready, just like he wasn’t, to throw that all away.

_“Me neither. I promise.”_

She snuggled back against his chest. That’s all they needed right now. Each other…

******************************************

_*Flashback*_

That night, everything had gone wrong. They had killed the thing but failed to save the last person targeted and that pressed on Dean’s shoulder like never before. The woman had trusted him to get her out of there and he failed. He watched her die before his eyes.  

The road to the bunker had been silent, nobody dared to say anything, knowing it would probably anger Dean. As soon as he parked the car the older man left, leaving his two lovers to unpack it on their own.

 _“Should we go see him?”_ She asked worried.

The younger Winchester nodded leading the way to their room.

As expected, this one was sitting on his bed, lips around a bottle of whiskey. She kneeled behind him wrapping her arms around his body, pressing her forehead against the back of his neck. She felt him relax under him and she almost did the same.

 _“It’s not your fault you know…”_ She whispered in his ear.

And it was probably what she shouldn’t have said. He pushed himself up and looked at her in disbelief.

_“Oh right, and whose is it?”_

_“All of ours. Particularly the monster’s.”_ Sam answered him taking Dean’s eyes away from her. _“We couldn’t protect her either.”_

_“It wasn’t your job. I promised her Sam!! She trusted me!”_

_“We can’t protect everyone Dean. That’s what you taught me when I started this.”_ She pleaded, and she hoped his boyfriend would listen.

_“And what will happen the day I won’t be able to protect you.”_

So, this was what it really was about.

_“I can protect myself”_

Dean huffed throwing his hands in the air. The anger was blinding him.

_“No, you can’t. Every time you are part of a mission I always fucking worry that something is gonna get you.”_

Anger was building up in her chest.

_“Then why am I here!? Why did you teach me how to hunt?! Why did you ask me to stay with you!? If you clearly don’t fucking trust me!!!”_

_“I don’t know”_

Those words stung a lot more than everything she’d ever heard, and she couldn’t help the tears rolling down her face.

Dean’s hands were shaking. He knew he couldn’t live without her, that was never a question for him, but with all those deaths happening around him he couldn’t help but think she was better without them. He crossed his arms.

_“What the fuck is wrong with you Dean?!! Just because you’re sad and angry doesn’t mean you have to throw shit at her for nothing! And we both know damn well you don’t think a word you’re saying!”_

Dean knew it was dumb and selfish but the anger and the worry of losing them took over anything good he could’ve said.

_“All of this because you didn’t think I was enough.”_

At this point they all stopped breathing.

_“Could you stop, for once in your life and breathe?”_

Sam said calmly.

_“Could you, again, for once in your life, just tell us what’s wrong instead of saying the worst shit that goes through your head to hurt us?”_

_“I meant everything I said Sammy”_

Dean couldn’t breathe anymore he needed to get out, to be alone for a while. All the pain he could see on his lovers’ faces, the pain he caused, was crushing his lungs.

_“Can you think about someone other then yourself for one fucking minute!”_

_“You know what, you’re right.”_ He finally exploded. _“I am selfish, the only person I think about is myself and I don’t need you… Or you.”_

With that he stormed out of the room leaving the two of them alone in their bedroom.

Sam kneeled on the bed before her and pulled her closer.

_“I love you, it’s gonna be ok.”_

******************************************************

That happened 2 months ago.

Since then Sam and her were just trying to get by, wondering everyday where their lover was, hoping he hadn’t recklessly thrown himself in a dangerous hunt.

She woke up, hours later in an empty bed. Sam had always been an early bird, usually she would wake up pressed against Dean, smelling the delicious breakfast Sam was preparing them. But the place next to her was cold. She took a deep breath before pushing herself out of bed.

She paused in the door frame looking at his boyfriend cooking for her. She let a small smile tug her lips, he was only wearing his pyjama pants and she loved to see him like this. She joined him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

 _“Good morning”_ He said slowly turning around to press a kiss on her lips.

 _“Good morning”_ She smiled once they pulled apart. She looked at her boyfriend once more, it hurts to say it like this but if Dean never come back, she could get use to this, to being alone with Sam. It didn’t change that every time she thought about it a feeling was hurting deep in her chest. He _had_ to come back.

_“Good morning to you too”_

She jumped a little before laughing, letting her head fall against Sam’s chest.

_“Good morning Cas.”_

Sam wrapped his arms around her chuckling too.

_“What brings you here this early?”_

She could hear Cas sighed and Sam tensed around her.

 _“Cas?”_ Sam tried again.

_“I talked to Dean.”_

They both stopped breathing as she turned around to face the angel.

_“Where is he? What did he say?”_

She asked nervously.

_“He was in Kansas yesterday, but he left.”_

Kansas. He was close, so close. Was he coming back?

_“Is he coming back?”_

She couldn’t help the words coming out of her mouth, but Cas kept silent.

_“Cas?”_

His head snapped to the side as they heard the front door open. He looked at them one more time before zapping out of there.

She didn’t even have to think twice before running to the door. It _had_ to be Dean.

She stopped quickly when she reached the living room. There he was, his head low, looking like he hadn’t sleep in weeks. Her heart stopped beating in her chest as she took a few steps closer.

 _“You’re just an asshole”_ She almost yelled pushing him right in the chest.

Dean stopped breathing, squeezing his eyes shut, he deserved that. His heart was hurting, way more then the punches she started throwing against his chest. The older Winchester couldn’t keep his eyes away from her pained face, but he could see Sam jogging towards them from the corner of his eyes.

Sam’s arms closed around her little body keeping her from hitting Dean once again.

 _“Hey,”_ He whispered against her ear. _“It’s ok just breathe.”_

Dean couldn’t make out the rest of what he was saying thought he really tried. He saw her relax in Sam’s arms and something started hurting even more in his chest. He should’ve stayed gone, they lived well together, just the two of them, maybe they were better off without him.

She freed herself from Sam’s grip and left to her room.

Dean’s heart stopped as his brother’s eyes met his, he couldn’t live knowing Sam didn’t love him anymore. Sam didn’t hesitate a second and took Dean in his arms.

This one let a sigh of relief escape his lips wrapping his hands in Sam’s shirt. The younger Winchester took the time to enjoy his brother’s body pressed against his trying to ignore the foreign scent all over his brother. It went on for a few minutes where Dean started sobbing, holding onto his brother’s body to stay on his legs. _“I’m sorry”_

Sam’s hand found Dean’s neck before pressing their forehead together.

_“Don’t ever do that again, please.”_

Dean nodded against him.

_“I’m so, so sorry.”_

****************************************************

They spent the day together, Sam made dinner while Dean showered, they cuddled and talked.

They fell asleep holding on to each other. Well, Sam fell asleep. The guilt pressing on Dean’s chest kept his eyes open. He would be forever thankful for Sam, but he couldn’t live knowing she hated him after everything he’d said, everything he’d done.

Just like she could read in his mind the door of their shared bedroom opened slowly. Dean could see, from where he was, back pressed against Sam’s chest, that she was hesitating.

She took a deep breath and closed the door behind her before climbing on the bed and cuddling against Dean’s chest who took the opportunity to wrap his arm around her.

_“I know you’re awake.”_

_“Sorry”_

He sighed pulling his arm off. But she just inched closer to him.

_“I missed you so fucking much.”_

_“I missed you too”_

He knew he should’ve said something else but those where the only words that could escape his mouth through the knot in his throat.

_“You can’t do that again…You can’t leave us again Dean…”_

She started sobbing against him and he couldn’t contain the tears rolling down his cheeks.

_“I’m so sorry.”_

_“I know”_

She whispered against him.

_“I didn’t mean it… What I said the other day.”_

He managed to choke out, replacing a strand of hair behind her ear.

 _“I know Dean.”_ She said finally looking at him in the eyes. _“I’m sorry for getting angry at you.”_

_“No, you… It was well deserved.”_

He pulled her even closer, pressing his lips against her forehead. She didn’t talk for a while and Dean thought she was probably sleeping _._

 _“Dean?”_ She finally asked.

_“Yes?”_

She could feel the nervousness radiating from her.

_“When you were gone did you…Did…”_

The emotion made it impossible for her to finish her question, but Dean knew what she meant. Did he sleep around? Buried himself in men and women.

His breath got stuck in his throat. Yes, yes, he did, but he was afraid it would push her away. But he couldn’t lie to her, he just couldn’t, anyway she would see right through him.

He nodded slowly just enough so she could feel the movement.

_“I’m sorry. So sorry. I’m….Sorry.”_

He didn’t know what else to say. His whole body was shaking in worry.

_“How was it?”_

She said, barely a whisper.

 _“It was horrible.”_ It was her turn to nod against him.

Dean almost jumped when Sam’s hand moved to take her hand in his. He pressed kisses up Dean’s shoulder.

 _“We’ll get through it.”_ The younger Winchester stated. _“I promise.”_

Thought everything wasn’t right, not yet, they knew it would be because their love was stronger than anything else.

_“I love you”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot. Leave a comment if you want.  
> Sorry for the mistakes, english is not my first language.
> 
> Love you,  
> Lauren xxxx


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